Although the Huffington Post has evolved into little more than a tarty Internet tabloid, its editor and founder, Arianna Huffington, has consistently and wisely argued that the so-called divide between liberals and conservatives is illusory and more complex than mainstream media would care to admit.
A recent personal experience confirms her insight, and further calls into doubt the moral posturing of so-called social conservative columnists like Michelle Malkin and Laura Ingraham.
First, here's the incident.
On Halloween Day 2007, I opened my morning newspaper, The Valley News, to a seemingly innocent picture with a horrifying caption.
Anticipating the evening's festivities, the Valley News sent a photographer to a local costume store. Instead of capturing a sweet child in a cute or crazy costume, the photographer photographed a 10-year old boy who would be dressing up as a pimp this Halloween.
A pimp?
How does a 10-year old boy decide he's going to be a pimp for Halloween?
The caption provided the horrifying answer: a video game. That, and an insanely permissive parent. Here's the whole caption.
"Nick Stevens, 10, of Enfield tries on glasses at CostuMania in West Lebanon yesterday to go with the pimp costume he will wear for Halloween. Stevens got the idea for the costume from a character in a video game. 'I've tried to get him to be anything else,' his father, Ron Stevens, said. 'I've suggested other ideas, but in the end it's up to him.'"
I sat down at the breakfast table, stunned. What parent permits their child to have a video game with a pimp in it? And what parent allows their child to dress as a pimp for Halloween?
What happened to saying, "No." Or "Hell, no." Or "over my dead body?"
I am far from a perfect parent. It's a tough job. The work never ends, and the challenges are significant. And sometimes you make mistakes. And since you love your kids more than anything else in your life, it's those mistakes which you remember the most.
Last night was an interesting example of how challenging parenting can be. With my daughter, Hannah, spending the night at friend's house, and my wife, Elizabeth, away on a business trip, it was just me and the two boys at home. On the spur of the moment, we decided to watch a movie. On TV. How novel!
So I checked the TV listings -- which is something I've not done in a long time, since we hardly watch it -- and found one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies was being shown from 8pm to 10pm. Yes, 10pm is past their bed time, but hey it's Friday, right?
So 10pm comes, and the movie is still going strong. The two boys are loving the film, but it's getting late. I re-check the listing and realize I mis-read the time when it would end. The movie ends at 11pm, not 10pm.
Time to make a gut parenting call. Allow them to stay up or say it's time to go to bed?
A quick check of their eyes convinced me of the answer. Time to go to bed. We'll finish the movie tomorrow after we rent it at the video store.
Of course, there were HUGE protests at this decision from the boys. But once in bed, Jacob and Noah were asleep within minutes. It had been a busy week and they were more tired than they realized. And now they had something to which look forward the next night.
Now, is that the sort of parenting decision you'd expect from a liberal like me?
If you listen carefully to socially conservative columnists and other media figures (e.g., Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin), only their people know how to parent. According to this crowd, liberal parents are lame supporters of the porno-fied culture (Malkin) who think only of themselves and their next trip to the south of France (Ingraham). They are rolled by school boards and AWOL when it comes to setting limits.
To get inkling of their self-righteous posturing, watch this recent interview of Ingraham by Malkin. It's almost as horrible as seeing a 10-year old boy wanting to be a pimp for Halloween. The horror moment in the interview comes when Ingraham (age 43, never married, no kids of her own) claims insight into the challenges faced by large families when she takes six neighborhood kids to a Shrek movie.
Undeterred by her complete lack of experience, Ingraham (at Malkin's prodding) goes onto give advice to parents, first by saying they've ceded their parental authority. And then she claims liberals want parents out of the way so they can "occupy the bodies of children [with their agenda]."
If it was slightly intended as funny, this rhetoric might take the prize for best black humor of 2007. Instead, as it is shot through with meanness and triumphalism and lies, this rhetoric has a very different intention. Ingraham does not really want to give parents advice or guidance (how could she?). Instead, her point is to announce a divide in America, and demand parents join either Them (the evil liberals) or Us (the righteous conservatives).
Unfortunately, when it comes to parenting, there is not a liberal or conservative position on bedtime. Same thing with providing good, healthy food. Or fresh air. Or books. Or music. Or art. Or laughter. Or support. Or rules. Or love. Or a lot of love.
Being a parent is not a political act. It's a giving act. You give love, guidance, education, safety, challenges, expectations, rules, opportunities...The list is almost endless. Put simply, you give and shape life.
But do you give politics? No way. Look, I'm a political person but I don't give politics in this household. It's really the last thing my kids need (or want). Instead of politics, my kids want and cherish growing up in a safe, secure, and loving home. It's not liberal or conservative, or Us versus Them. In fact, in a family, it's never about Us versus Them.
And I think most Americans instinctively know this and want this. Unfortunately, with dinosaurs like Malkin and Ingraham roaming the earth, it becomes difficult to keep your perspective. In their eyes, liberals caused Mr. Stevens to allow his son to become a pimp on Halloween. From where I stand, the problems Mr. Stevens has don't occur because of his political choices.
I deplore the Halloween choice his son made, but I also know it won't be fixed if his father votes for the "right" candidate in the November 2008 election.
So....what will fix it?
Here's where I become a "conservative." I believe everyone benefits from "how to parent" guidance. I came from a large family (6 kids, of which I was the oldest). I did a lot of babysitting of kids. I knew how to be a parent, right?
Wrong.
Even I needed guidance. There's no more scary place than to be in the shoes of first-time parent during their first 100 days. It's exhausting. It's overwhelming. It's wonderful and terrifying, all at the same time. The calm words I got during my rookie season stay with me today, and help inform my parenting today.
Maybe Mr. Stevens could benefit from this. Maybe we parents need support not only during the first 100 days (or 3 months) , but intermittently during the first 7,000 days of our tenure (until our kids become 19 years old).
Maybe that kind of help -- informal, but informed by wisdom -- would keep 10-year old boys from aspiring to be pimps, and instead aim for something far greater.
Is that a liberal or conservative position? It's neither. At the end of the day, being a liberal or a conservative has nothing to do with being a good parent. And maybe, if Laura Ingraham ever has kids of her own, she will understand that simple fact.